I’VE BEEN EVERYWHERE

Well, I took off from Ubon in a Thick and heavy driving rain
I toted my bombs out to Green Anchor tanker plane
I had a brand new AC riding in the front seat
A guy with six months UTU, before that a ‘tweet’
He asked me if my counters numbered much more than ten
I said Listen Mac, there ain’t no place up there I ain’t been

Chorus:
I’ve been everywhere, man, I’ve been everywhere
I’ve crossed the mountains bare, man, I’ve seen the flak filled air
Of SAM’s I’ve had my share, man, I’ve been everywhere
Hanoi, Haiphong, Phuc Yen, Yen Bai, Longson, Hoa Lac,
Phu Tho, Son Tay, Sao Binh, Nam Dinh, Thai Binh, Bac
Ninh, Thai Nguyen, Gia Lam, Viet Tri, Do Son, Thud
Ridge, Mig Ridge, Northeast Railroad, Bac Mai, Ninh
Grang, Bac Giange, Poo-yang.

Sam Neua, Ban Ban, Quang, Son La, Bat Lake, Dong Hoi,
Quang Khe, Thanh Hoa, Red Route, Black Route, Blue
Route, Purple Route, Channel 97 and the Red and Black River Valley
Landside, Waterside, down the slide, dang my hide
In tow, crosstown, uptown, downtown

Chorus:

DOWNTOWN

When you get up at two o’clock in the morning
You can bet you’ll go – Downtown
Shaking your boots, you’re sweating heavy all over
Cause you got to go – Downtown

Smoke a pack of cigarettes before the briefing’s over
Wishing you weren’t bombing, wishing you were flying cover
It’s safer that way –
It’s hairy as Hell down there –
You know you’re biting your nails and you’re pulling your hair

You’re going downtown – where all the lights are bright
Downtown – you’d rather switch than fight
Downtown – hope you’ll come home tonight – Downtown Downtown

Planning the route, you keep hoping that you won’t have to go today – Downtown
Checking the weather and it’s scattered to broken
So you still don’t know – Downtown?
Waiting for the guys in TOC to say you’re cancelled
Hoping that the "words" they give will be what suits your fancy
Don’t make me go –

I’d much rather RTB –
And so you sit and you wait thinking, OH, FSH
I’m going downtown – that’s why I’m feeling low
Downtown – but I don’t wanta go
Downtown – going to see Uncle Ho – Downtown, Downtown

Pistol Force – burners now – Barracuda has sweeping guns
Disregard the launch light no threat. BULLSHIT, THERE’S
A pair at 3 o’clock – Let’s take her down!!!!!

YELLOW ROSE OF HANOI

There’s a yellow rose in Hanoi
Who loves a fighter crew
She runs the Hanoi Hilton
She longs to welcome you
Her father’s name is Ho Chi Minh
He has a long goatee
And if you greet him nicely
He’ll let you stay for free

Chorus:
Her eyes are shaped like almonds
And I’ll give you a hunch
Try not to meet her family
Cause they’re a nasty bunch
Fish head and rice for breakfast
Fish heads and rice for tea
As long as they don’t catch me
No fish and rice for me.

Oh, you may fly a Phantom
Or you may fly a Thud
But if you fly to Hanoi
Then listen to me, Bud
You may talk of girls in Bangkok
Or ‘Frisco Bay and such
But the Yellow Rose of Hanoi
Is just a bit too much

Chorus:

OLD WEIRD HAROLD

I will sing you a song about Old Chappie
I will tell you a tale fraught with fear
How Old Chappie put the word on Weird Harold
Over guard channel so loud and clear

Now Old Chappie knew all about Weird Harold
How he laid in the weeds on Thud Ridge
How he talked on the phone line to Hanoi
Every time the 8th Wing tried to bomb the bridge

So one day Chappie strapped on his Phantom
Lit the burners and leaped off the ground
He had sent out a snoopy to Harold
Saying, "Harold, I’m Hanoi bound."

Well Old chappie dropped off of the tanker
Gathered all of his chicks in a group
Keyed his mike loud and clear on guard channel
Told his men, "Listen up – here’s the poop."

Come ly with me down the Red River Valley
Down Thud Ridge to the north side of town
Pay no mind to the MIG’s and the SAM sites
Nor the AAA that’s bursting all around.

Oh, We’re gonna fix old Weird Harold’s wagon
Yes, today we are gonna cut him down.
Old Weird Harold, I know you are listening;
Tell old Uncle Ho the Wolf Pack’s going to town.

"Hello, Hanoi, this is Weird Harold,
Put the MIG-17’s down in the grass,
Launch the MIG-21’s out of Phuc Yen,
Here comes Chappie, so let’s have his ass."

Well Old Chappie crossed over the valley
Down the ridge to the north side of town
Took it down once or twice for a SAM break
Then he rolled into the slide and started down.

Now, it happened that out behind Ho’s cabin
Stood a little house Ho loved so well
With a half-moon on the door, a real 2-holer
Twas upon this little shack the bombs had fell.

Oh, that poor little house turned into sawdust
All except that beloved 2-hole seat
And it sailed high and far into the distance
And it landed smack at Weird Harold’s feet.

Harold took this to mean he’d been rewarded
So he painted that 2-holed seat in red
And just over each hole he wrote "Weird Harold"
Now he wears Ho’s toilet seat round his head

That’s my story of Old Colonel Chappie
That’s how Chappie made Ho a nervous wreck
That’s how Chappie fixed up old Weird Harold
When he hung that 2-holed seat round his neck. 

THE WOLF PACK’S HOUSEBOY

7th fragged us way up North
On a bridge that wasn’t worth
Hanging out your ass to be shot at
But they said you’ve got to go
Put the word on Uncle Ho
You’ve no choice, men, this is combat.

So the boys in TOC
Pooped us up on what we’d see
And Intelligence said watch for SAM’s
MIG’s are up and Triple "A"
Will be thick as flies today
Give ‘em hell, the war is in your hands.

Well we hit the tanker twice
Then my blood went cold as ice
When we dropped off and crossed the Red
Barracuda understood
He called out "That launch is good!
"Take it down right now or you’ll be dead."

Well it almost makes me cry
Down below I see Bullseye
Through the clouds of flak between the SAM’s
There’s the bridge I came to bomb
Lord, I’m scared, I want my MOM
Then my GIB said "Pickle, Pull, Both Hands"

This is almost just like heaven
20 miles from Ninety-seven
We’re home free, of that there is no doubt
Then a MIG made one more pass
Hosed a missile up my ass
Then the bird pitched up and we punched out.

I can see the Phantom’s go
Round and round from here below
They won’t leave without my GIB and me
And that MIG-21
Just got plastered with a gun and the pilots frightened eyes I see

Oh, he landed in a tree
Only 40 feet from me
Then I whipped out my 38
I said, "Tell me how it feels
When your MIG turns 2 cartwheels"
Come on down with us and here we’ll wait

"Hello Chevy lead up there
This is Chevy two down here
With my GIB and the guy you just shot down"
"Chevy two, say what you mean
I’ve called in the Jolly Green
Just stay put and soon we’ll have you found"

First I saw the Sandy’s come
Making circles in the sun
Then the Jolly Greens were overhead
The MIG jock went up first
I made him believe the worst
"No trick, boy, or I’ll fill you with lead"

Well we brought that son-of-a-gun
All the way to fifty-one
Two took off, it’s true, but three came back
He won’t fly the Phantom two
But here’s what we’re gonna do
Make him houseboy for the whole Wolf Pack

CHAPPIE’S SONG

Chorus:
Every time he went to town
Ho Chi tried to shoot him down
Makes no difference if you’re white or brown
When you carry those bombs around

Chappie is a shit hot guy
Flyin’ Phantoms through the sky
Behind the man we all did rally
The meanest Mutha in the valley.

Chorus:

We went up to fly one day
Told the Aussies to come and play
He really had them in a fix
When he trapped them in his six

Chorus:

Hospital needed more intensive care
Right away Old Chap was there
Through his hands the money did pour,
He robbed from the rich and gave to the poor.

Chorus:

He has to go on home today
The Thai girls hate to send him away
They wanna join him over there
Sure will miss the Big Brown Bear

Chorus:

YANKEE AIR PIRATE

I am a Yankee Air Pirate, with DT’s and blood shot eyeballs
My nerves are all rundown from bombing downtown
From SAM breaks and bad bandit calls.

Chorus:
A Yankee Air Pirate, A Yankee Air Pirate, 
A Yankee Air Pirate am I
A Yankee Air Pirate, A Yankee Air Pirate, 
if I don’t get my hundred, I’ll die

I’ve carried iron bombs on the outboards, 
flown high cap for F-1-0-Thuds
I’ve sniveled a counter or two once or twice
And sweated my own rich red blood.

Chorus:

I’ve been downtown to both bridges, to Thai Nguyen, 
Kep and Phuc Yen
And if you ask me, then I’m sure you can see
There’s no place up there I ain’t been